I have to admit, for the most part, I avoid games that are specifically designed to induce rage. I’m prone enough to game-related frustration and rage-quits as it is without the game actually being coded to destroy any sense of serenity I might be able to hold onto. However, every now and then, I like to punish myself. 

And, in this case, my fiancé, too. 

Paddle Paddle Paddle is a rage game developed by Zoroarts in which you must paddle down an impossibly difficult watery obstacle course while you avoid falling or being knocked off the edge and falling to your fiery death in the lava below. It can be played solo or online co-op, and as I’ve already mentioned, I took my fiancé along for this brutal and frustratingly enjoyable ride. 

The descent to rage is quick

I can count the number of times I’ve been on a boat in my life on one hand. The number of times I’ve been on a rowing machine is significantly higher, but I can’t say that even that level of practice would enable me to row a real boat that’s situated on actual water. Not that it actually matters, because Paddle Paddle Paddle requires you to hit only one button to swing your oar around in the hope of getting somewhere. 

But hey, the background is always nice, right?

Tangent about rowing aside, we dived into Paddle Paddle Paddle with the full understanding that it would make us rage, probably shout at each other, and we’d inevitably end up rage quitting before our relationship was irrevocably damaged by this experience. What we didn’t expect was the speed at which we would cross over the bridge from “this is hilarious” to “what the hell are you even doing?”

Now, Zoroarts knows what he’s done. He knows this is a rage game, and it will come as no surprise to him that playing Paddle Paddle Paddle invariably ends with a rage quit before you’ve really got going. I feel safe saying that I love to hate this game, and I hope that he’ll appreciate the honesty when I say that he is a cruel, cruel man, and I hope his cereal is always soggy. 

(I’m joking. That’s a fate worse than hell, and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.)

Anger-filled team building

Okay, so we’ve covered how much I hate this game, but let’s get into why I (not so) secretly love it. Despite the almost instant rage, there’s a sense of team-building that accompanies it. If you’re playing with a friend, you’ll need to be perfectly in sync if you want even the slightest hope of traveling in a straight line, and you need to develop a deep level of trust that they won’t just spam click and send you careening off the edge to your death.

While my fiancé and I yelled at each other, we developed something akin to a secret language. We ended up sounding like particularly excitable cavemen, because saying actual words seemed to take too long. “AH” meant ‘stop paddling’, “AAA-EEEE” meant ‘please paddle faster’, and “UH-UH” meant ‘oh my God, what are you doing?’ The last of these was the most used, of course, but it is now a cornerstone of Paddle-ese.

Feel free to adopt this language for yourself if you intend to drag your friends into this experience. 

Although we didn’t get very far (because damn that first ball that bounces you miles off track), we pushed through and kept going for at least an hour. We pushed through the rage until we ended up at resignation, and past that until we entered the delirious stage, where we had fun finding out just how quickly we could die. 

It turns out that you both need to spam click if you want to go off the edge. If one of you clicks, you just go around in a graceful circle while you both scream in terror.

A time and a place

Honestly? I would not recommend Paddle Paddle Paddle if you’re already in a bad mood, especially if you plan on bringing a friend or loved one along for the ride. It’s definitely a game best saved for moments when you need bringing down a peg or two. Got a promotion at work and feeling indestructible? Paddle Paddle Paddle will quickly remind you that nobody is perfect, and that’s okay. 

I must admit I’m excited to see some speed-runs of Paddle Paddle Paddle. I know there are people out there who are going to be inhumanly good at the game, and they’ll be able to complete this evil water-based obstacle course easily, but I’m not one of them. To me, this is impossible, but it’s something I intend to keep trying to overcome. 

Rage games are frustrating, but they’re also proof that perseverance and practice can help you achieve anything. That’s something we forget as we get older, although we regularly give that advice to younger generations. If you really think about it, aren’t rage games just a virtual metaphor for real life and how to overcome the hurdles that the universe invariably throws at you?

Well, that got deeper than it was meant to.

If you want to flap your paddles in sheer panic before figuring out how the mechanics work, there’s a demo of Paddle Paddle Paddle available to download through Steam right now. The full release is set for some time in July 2025, so we don’t have long to wait until there’s even more rage to be overcome.